Coming up on a year

So it's just about been a year now since we received our adoption license, and we've really only been close to one group of kids. 

We renewed our home study this past Friday with our worker, who really is great.  I have no complaints about her in this process.  At her counseling, we have decided to expand our search criteria a bit.  We are now looking at either gender, any race, one or two kids, age 0-10.  We have also included legal risk kids, age 0-1.

Legal risk is a specific group of foster kids whose parents haven't had their parental rights completely terminated, but are likely to have it done before too long.  Most of the infants lie within this category because the parents have some time to get their acts together before the courts make their decision.  However, she said that these mothers have prior rap sheets and most likely, the kids have been tested positive for drugs.

It's not 100% that you'll get to keep the kids, but I think it's worth the risk.  These kids, aside from chemical dependency, will have less emotional issues in the long run.  We're still willing to work through those issues with the right kids, but this group may help to speed up having kids.  That also means that we could be called at a moment's notice to pick up a baby from the hospital, so we'll have to be ready for that.

I am still quite frustrated by the length of time it has taken, but we've had time to get some other things in order first.  For example, we have paid off a lot of debt and can see the light at the end of that tunnel (it's still a small light, but it's there!).  Hopefully we'll get our house in Florida listed and sold so we can buy a house here within the next year as well.

Not this time

So they had the hearing today and picked another family to be the forever home for the boys we were interested in.  It's likely for the best - they are the experts and know the kids.  We've learned a bit in the process - especially that we need to read up on dealing with issues that kids will have - and we'll be even more prepared next time.

There's still the other group in the works, so we'll see what happens with that.

Exciting news!

It's been a while since I've posted anything.  There really hasn't been much to report on.  We have shown interested in a couple of groups here and there, but we didn't hear anything more about any of them.

We went to another adoption event a few weekends ago.  It was much more well-organized than the last one we went to.  This was indoors and had different tables set up with different activities so prospective parents could interact with the kiddos.  We met two groups of boys that we had some interest in.

The first was two youngsters, 5 and 6, who sat quietly in the back and just observed everything that was going on around them.  I was immediately drawn to these guys because I am the same way in social settings.  We talked to their case worker a bit and found out that they also have an older brother, 11, who wasn't at the event.  He's got some issues that he's working through with a therapist, so that's a bit of a wild card.  We are still in the mix for those three, but the process is moving a bit slowly now.

The second group was two boys, 7 and 10.  They are the polar opposite of the first two in that they were all over the place.  They clearly have a lot of energy and had some trouble sitting still!  We played Sorry with the younger one and the older one was the (fake) tattoo artist for the day.  Both seemed pretty smart.  They have a 13 year-old sister who is not a part of the adoption. 

We talked to their worker as well, and we have been selected as one of the top three families for the boys.  We met with our worker last week and we are in the process of updating our "life book" (a scrap book of stuff all about us) to make us look as attractive as possible for the boys.  The hearing is on this coming Wednesday and we'll know by the end of the day if we are selected.  Our worker will be there on our behalf.

If we are selected, we then get to learn more about the boys.  We will get to read their files and determine if we are up to the challenge.  If we say yes, they will likely be with us within two months!

I can't seem to separate excitement and fear.  This could very well be it.  It's exciting to think about the changes and good times that we will have, but when I think about daily life and the challenges, it scares me a lot.  Needless to say, there's been a lot of soul searching happening.  We've come this far, and I'm not about to back out now!

Silence

So we didn't hear anything about those last two kids.  They were taken off the web site about three days after we inquired, so I assume that means that they are no longer available.  Good for them!

Silence is something you just have to get used to in this process.  We are so happy, though, that we know that our case worker is busy trying to find our boys for us.  She just emailed me asking about a pair that she just got a broadcast on, so we'll see what happens there.

Back on the Horse

After our experience with the boys in July, we retreated a bit and were just happy to wait for our social worker to find us a match.  Well, we've found another potential pair on the same web site that we've inquired about.  This is another pair of boys, 4 and 6.  We learned our lesson and are not getting our hopes up.  They may also have major issues as the last two, but I can't imagine that they can be much worse.

We should find out more next week.  I'll be sure to let you know what happens!

Expanding Our Search

After some discussion, Matt and I have decided to expand our search a bit.  We had previously decided against infants, but we've let our social worker know that we are ok with ages 0-8.  There are a lot of benefits, which outweigh the negatives, of adopting a baby.  There will be more time to bond and hopefully less long-term issues.  Our social worker recently mentioned that she found an infant and a 3 year-old, but passed due to our preferences.

No more!  Hopefully this speeds up the process a bit, too.

I also have an update on the two kids that we had inquired about previously - they found their forever homes.  I am very happy for them and hope they have happy lives  :)

Our First View of Reality

So we got the psych evaluations on the two kids that we were looking in to adopting.  We weren't prepared for what we read.  They came from an abusive environment and were so affected by it that they may have issues that will never be remedied.  Neither of them are very verbal and have major behavior problems.  The evaluations were enough to bring me to tears.

We knew that this kind of thing may exist, but this is the first time we've seen it.  We have decided that we would probably not be a good fit for these boys.  We are green parents and don't know how to deal with situations that severe.  Yes, we could learn, but I could see this kind of thing causing a riff between the two of us, which isn't good for anyone.

We feel horrible having to say no.  These boys are in their situation through no fault of their own and I really wish I could help.  We're just not there yet.  We couldn't help but think about their future. They will likely stay in the foster system until they're 18.  After that, who knows what the future holds for them.  I can't help but wonder if a lot of the people that end up on a bad path have to start out their lives this way.  They don't really stand a chance.