So the home study agent left and we were told that we would be contacted by our case worker. I let two weeks lapse, but we still didn't hear anything. After a few emails and a call, I got a response. They were now missing our siblings' occupations and couldn't find our pet vaccination certificates. I got them both in about five minutes and waited another two weeks.
After a few more emails and a call (this just seems to be how the process works), we were told that we were officially licensed to adopt in the state of Texas. A week later, we actually received the license without having to ask for it! I was given the number of the next supervisor we would be dealing with. I waited another two weeks and made another call.
This next guy called me back the same day and said that our file was being sent to our new case worker. She called me the next day! We were starting to feel optimistic at this point. We scheduled an appointment for her to come out and visit with us (the same week even).
She came out and gave the house a quick once-over. She didn't like dogs, so we had to lock Harley up, which I thought was unfortunate. The home study agent loved Harley. Anyway, she talked with us about the kids that we were interested in. We have been approved for up to three kids, 0-10. We told her that we're really just interested in two, but would think about three if the circumstances were right. The same applied for a baby. She said that most sibling groups are at least three and usually have a 0-2 year old with them.
She also said that she was going to start submitting our study for kids that meet our criteria the next week. Matt and I felt pretty good after this meeting.
So that catches you up. That was two weeks ago. We know it's a matter of time, so we're starting to take the time to enjoy each other alone and live the kid-less life while we've got it. I'll keep posting here about my feelings throughout this process and updates as we get them.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Home Study
Now that we finally had our paperwork completed, we were approved for a home study. This is a critical part of the process. A person came to our home and interviewed us and inspected the home. This was do or die time. If we didn't pass, that was pretty much it. I believe there is an appeals process and they do allow you a chance to remedy what's wrong, but still.
It took about two weeks after our paperwork was officially approved until the home study. They will give all sorts of timelines for you, but don't believe them. You really need to stay on top of your trainer to make sure things are still moving along.
Our home study rep came to our house and conducted the interviews. To prepare, I would recommend reading the minimum standards document as well as the guidelines for home study officials, which is all available on the DFPS web site. We had done so and felt prepared. She interviewed both of us for a while and asked the same types of questions on the application - what genders, how many, race, etc... This took about 30 minutes. We felt quite at ease with our rep.
She then split us up and asked about backgrounds and such. She asked about how we were raised, asked out our relationships with family members, work status, etc. She also asked about any red flags that came up during our PRIDE class and references. There wasn't much to discuss there. The most useful part of this study was going over the issues that we would be able to deal with. For example, we said that we could handle mild autism or emotional issues, but probably not a disability such as downs syndrome. She put us at ease on those issues and really added a lot on what she thought we could handle. We had no experience in that regard, after all.
Right before she left, she said that she was going to submit us as an approval. Then there was more waiting...
It took about two weeks after our paperwork was officially approved until the home study. They will give all sorts of timelines for you, but don't believe them. You really need to stay on top of your trainer to make sure things are still moving along.
Our home study rep came to our house and conducted the interviews. To prepare, I would recommend reading the minimum standards document as well as the guidelines for home study officials, which is all available on the DFPS web site. We had done so and felt prepared. She interviewed both of us for a while and asked the same types of questions on the application - what genders, how many, race, etc... This took about 30 minutes. We felt quite at ease with our rep.
She then split us up and asked about backgrounds and such. She asked about how we were raised, asked out our relationships with family members, work status, etc. She also asked about any red flags that came up during our PRIDE class and references. There wasn't much to discuss there. The most useful part of this study was going over the issues that we would be able to deal with. For example, we said that we could handle mild autism or emotional issues, but probably not a disability such as downs syndrome. She put us at ease on those issues and really added a lot on what she thought we could handle. We had no experience in that regard, after all.
Right before she left, she said that she was going to submit us as an approval. Then there was more waiting...
Friday, May 23, 2014
Let the Paperwork Begin
PRIDE training was all over and we had handed in all of our paperwork. We were ready for our call to set up the home study. Only that call didn't come. I regularly called our trainer to find out where we stood. I called about once every two weeks and emailed about as often. Every time I talked to them, it turned out that there was extra paperwork that we needed.
For example, we needed background checks from each state that we had lived in over the last 10 years. We sent those out, but it takes time to get the results. We also had to get our gas lines checked to make sure there were no leaks. There was a lot of confusion on that topic. We were told to contact the city and arrange for an inspection. However, we we called them, they didn't know anything about that process. We called out a regular plumber, but he said that the house needed at least $500 of work to bring it up to code.
We were a bit at a loss at this point. We were renting our house and didn't want to pay that much for a place that wasn't ours. Our landlord wasn't going to pay them, and I don't blame them (it wasn't their decision to adopt kids). After a couple of months trying to find alternatives, we hired another plumber. After looking at the house for about 15 minutes, he gave us a clean bill of health. We sent the invoice in and that was sufficient. Lesson learned - don't make things more complicated than they need to be.
There were other odd bits of information that seemed to hold up our process such as not having our siblings' occupations. I'm not sure why my sister in Wisconsin's occupation has any bearing on our ability to raise kids, but whatever. We submitted that as well.
This wasn't just a month or two process. It took a year from the time we finished our PRIDE training to the time we were finally approved for a home study. Patience. Lots of patience.
For example, we needed background checks from each state that we had lived in over the last 10 years. We sent those out, but it takes time to get the results. We also had to get our gas lines checked to make sure there were no leaks. There was a lot of confusion on that topic. We were told to contact the city and arrange for an inspection. However, we we called them, they didn't know anything about that process. We called out a regular plumber, but he said that the house needed at least $500 of work to bring it up to code.
We were a bit at a loss at this point. We were renting our house and didn't want to pay that much for a place that wasn't ours. Our landlord wasn't going to pay them, and I don't blame them (it wasn't their decision to adopt kids). After a couple of months trying to find alternatives, we hired another plumber. After looking at the house for about 15 minutes, he gave us a clean bill of health. We sent the invoice in and that was sufficient. Lesson learned - don't make things more complicated than they need to be.
There were other odd bits of information that seemed to hold up our process such as not having our siblings' occupations. I'm not sure why my sister in Wisconsin's occupation has any bearing on our ability to raise kids, but whatever. We submitted that as well.
This wasn't just a month or two process. It took a year from the time we finished our PRIDE training to the time we were finally approved for a home study. Patience. Lots of patience.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
PRIDE Training
So we waited patiently for our training classes to begin. During that few months, we started to imagine situations with kids. We started to visualize every-day tasks such as grocery shopping with two boys. We would discuss how we would handle temper tantrums and other scenarios. I strongly suggest this to anyone thinking about adoption. Not only does it help to prepare you to suddenly have older kids, but it also helps both you and your partner make sure you're on the same issue.
April came and it was finally time for class to start. We weren't sure exactly what to expect. The classes in Texas are call PRIDE. They were every Saturday for about 6-8 hours and lasted 6 weeks (at least I think so). We were in class with 6 other potential parents and the group was diverse. There were some folks there for adoption only (like us), some for foster only, some whom already knew the kids they were adopting (family members) and some foster/adopt mix. One couple dropped out after the first week.
We came into the class thinking that we had our paperwork done. That was so far from true. We were given a 4" binder with the class paperwork and a checklist of paperwork that we would need to assemble before the class was done. The checklist was three pages long. Every week we'd get a bit more done. For example, we had to be fingerprinted for FBI background screens, take pictures of every room in our house, create a scrapbook of sorts for us (used as marketing material for yourself when it's time to be matched with kiddos), get pet vaccination certificates, etc etc etc.
The class itself was informative, but it mostly reaffirmed that Matt and I were really ready for this. We had already discussed pretty much everything they presented. They certainly don't hold any punches when trying to prepare you for the difficult situations that you will face. We learned a lot about how sexual or physical abuse affects kids, how different kids are at different stages of development, how to be a bit empathetic toward the parents of these abused or neglected kids, etc. Some days were more difficult to take in, but we muscled through it. They assigned a lot of homework, too.
By the end of the last class, we had all of our paperwork handed in and we were ready for our home visit! At least that's what we thought...
April came and it was finally time for class to start. We weren't sure exactly what to expect. The classes in Texas are call PRIDE. They were every Saturday for about 6-8 hours and lasted 6 weeks (at least I think so). We were in class with 6 other potential parents and the group was diverse. There were some folks there for adoption only (like us), some for foster only, some whom already knew the kids they were adopting (family members) and some foster/adopt mix. One couple dropped out after the first week.
We came into the class thinking that we had our paperwork done. That was so far from true. We were given a 4" binder with the class paperwork and a checklist of paperwork that we would need to assemble before the class was done. The checklist was three pages long. Every week we'd get a bit more done. For example, we had to be fingerprinted for FBI background screens, take pictures of every room in our house, create a scrapbook of sorts for us (used as marketing material for yourself when it's time to be matched with kiddos), get pet vaccination certificates, etc etc etc.
The class itself was informative, but it mostly reaffirmed that Matt and I were really ready for this. We had already discussed pretty much everything they presented. They certainly don't hold any punches when trying to prepare you for the difficult situations that you will face. We learned a lot about how sexual or physical abuse affects kids, how different kids are at different stages of development, how to be a bit empathetic toward the parents of these abused or neglected kids, etc. Some days were more difficult to take in, but we muscled through it. They assigned a lot of homework, too.
By the end of the last class, we had all of our paperwork handed in and we were ready for our home visit! At least that's what we thought...
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Step One - The Orientation Meeting
So we had decided to adopt through the state of Texas. Great. Now what?
We did our research and found this site: http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Adoption_and_Foster_Care/Get_Started/default.asp. This led us to our first step - attending an orientation meeting. We attended a meeting in mid-January.
They are held a few times per month. We live in Galveston County, so we had to go up to Houston for our meeting. It lasted a couple of hours and we were given our initial application to fill out. We also found out a little bit more about the steps involved in adopting kids in Texas. So far, it sounded like it would be a breeze!
We filled out the application and handed it in after the class. We also learned that we would need to attend a training class, so we were signed up shortly after that. We then met our first big delay. The next available class in our area was in April.
We were also given a sheet with some of the documents that we would have to have available for the class. We quickly assembled that info and waited. We weren't necessarily happy about the wait, but we had no choice.
We did our research and found this site: http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Adoption_and_Foster_Care/Get_Started/default.asp. This led us to our first step - attending an orientation meeting. We attended a meeting in mid-January.
They are held a few times per month. We live in Galveston County, so we had to go up to Houston for our meeting. It lasted a couple of hours and we were given our initial application to fill out. We also found out a little bit more about the steps involved in adopting kids in Texas. So far, it sounded like it would be a breeze!
We filled out the application and handed it in after the class. We also learned that we would need to attend a training class, so we were signed up shortly after that. We then met our first big delay. The next available class in our area was in April.
We were also given a sheet with some of the documents that we would have to have available for the class. We quickly assembled that info and waited. We weren't necessarily happy about the wait, but we had no choice.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Why adopt?
It's been about four years since I ended my last blog. I thought it time that Matt and I start to document our "adventures" in adoption. We have wanted to start a family since we got together in 2004, but it really didn't feel like the correct time until we got to Houston. Matt has reached his career goal and we know that we're here for the long run.
We have conceived several times, but all ended in a miscarriage. We decided that having babies wasn't in the cards for us, so we turned to adoption. It wasn't a difficult decision at all. The decision to keep going through the process...that was a different story.
We decided to adopt through the foster system here in Texas. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, there are many kids right here in our back yard that need stable and loving families. I just wouldn't have felt right about going to another country and adopting a baby there. That's another thing - since we get to choose, we're skipping babies altogether. I would rather not have to go through diapers and crying. Finally, the cost for adopting through the state is traditionally much cheaper than a private adoption.
There were many other decisions to be made such as gender, age, disabilities and more. Ultimately, we have decided that we're looking for a sibling group - two brothers. I really would like to experience the pre-school phase, so we've requested a 3- or 4- year old. We're ok with the other child being up to 8 years old. In other words, a pre-schooler and an elementary school kid.
We realize that we have no idea what we're in for. In the coming posts, I'll go through each step of our journey.
We have conceived several times, but all ended in a miscarriage. We decided that having babies wasn't in the cards for us, so we turned to adoption. It wasn't a difficult decision at all. The decision to keep going through the process...that was a different story.
We decided to adopt through the foster system here in Texas. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, there are many kids right here in our back yard that need stable and loving families. I just wouldn't have felt right about going to another country and adopting a baby there. That's another thing - since we get to choose, we're skipping babies altogether. I would rather not have to go through diapers and crying. Finally, the cost for adopting through the state is traditionally much cheaper than a private adoption.
There were many other decisions to be made such as gender, age, disabilities and more. Ultimately, we have decided that we're looking for a sibling group - two brothers. I really would like to experience the pre-school phase, so we've requested a 3- or 4- year old. We're ok with the other child being up to 8 years old. In other words, a pre-schooler and an elementary school kid.
We realize that we have no idea what we're in for. In the coming posts, I'll go through each step of our journey.
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